Nothing But Trouble

By: Holly Sharp

            It wasn’t that long ago there lived a girl named Claire.  This particular girl was an extremely beautiful girl whose life long dream was to find true love.  She wanted to meet a handsome young man and fall madly in love for the rest of her life.  She lived with her loving and caring mother and her two sisters.  Her father and mother were still married, but he wasn’t around much because his company frequently sent him to foreign places.  Yes, for most of you readers this doesn’t sound too far from your lives at one point or another.  Most girls encounter this point sometime in their life just like Claire.  It’s not that Claire was unpopular or didn’t have any friends.  She had dates when she wanted them and enough friends to keep her happy.

  The problem was she always found something wrong with the guys she got involved with.  This one had little teeth, this one was too short, no he’s too tall, or this one dresses funny.  Some say this would be shallow, but Claire knew what she wanted and she just hadn’t found it yet.  She would know him when he came!

            “I don’t know exactly, mom” stated Claire.  “He has to be tall, not too skinny but not too tall either, I really like blue eyes, but green will do too.  He has to be well mannered and caring and get along well with my friends.  He has to have nice teeth and dress well.  He can’t be too fat, but he can’t be too thin either and he has to be able to have a conversation that’s not based on girls, beer, or computer games.  He can’t be controlling, but he has to be supportive.”

            “That’s gonna be hard to find,” stated Claire’s mom.

            “I know it is, but I’ll find what I’m looking for eventually, and then I’ll be happy,” Claire replied.

            That night as Claire’s mom lay in bed she pondered the words her daughter had spoken earlier that night.  Maybe I can help Claire somehow.  That night she went to bed creating images of different men in her head and trying to come up with some idea of what would make Claire happy.

            She hadn’t used magic since she was a little girl because it always got her into trouble somehow, but Claire’s mom thought this would be a good time to try her hand at it again.  If she could somehow create a perfect man for her daughter, then she would have everything she’s ever wanted.  Claire’s mom wanted nothing more than her daughter to be happy.

            The next morning Claire’s mom began piecing together parts of different men in order to make mister “perfect” for her daughter.  The first one was the typical tall, dark, and handsome man.  He had bushy dark eyebrows and large deep blue eyes.  She made him talkative and creative so he could keep her daughter busy.  

            “This man is going to be perfect; there’s no way that she can’t fall in love with him,” thought Claire’s mother.

            Then, all Claire’s mom had to do was say the words, “For my one and only youngest daughter, I give her happiness,” and he appeared.  It surprised her at first that the magic worked after so long, but a knock came to the door and Claire’s mom knew exactly who it was.

            The man that waited at the door was definitely good looking and charming.  As Claire answered the door she couldn’t believe her eyes.  She was astonished by the sight of such a good looking young man.  Scott was wearing khaki pants, a blue polo shirt that just happened to match the hat he was wearing perfectly.  He even wore brown shoes that matched his brown belt.

            He came to the door with a single red rose and the first thing that came out of his mouth were the words, “My darling Claire, I would be honored with your presence at dinner if you would join me?” 

            “Of course I will,” Claire accepted eagerly.

            Claire’s mom sat in the background and quietly observed the two as they met for the first time.  Claire’s mom, whose name is Ann, was happy that her daughter had finally met someone that matched her criteria.  Ann led them out of the door saying, “Have a great time and be safe.”

            “Here you are,” Scott offered as he opened the door and led Claire into the car.

            When they pulled up to the fancy restaurant Claire was shocked at how fancy it was decorated. It had beautiful trees that were illuminating all sides of the restaurant.  As she walked inside she noticed a young man discreetly played the piano.  They were guided to their seats and ushered to sit down and until Scott took off his hat Claire was shocked at the amazing gentlemen that she was with.

            “What in the world is on the top of your head Scott?” questioned Claire not concerned about hurting his feelings.

            “My hair?” questioned Scott looking awfully confused.

            “What’s wrong with it?  It’s black and wavy.  There’s no gel in it either and it’s wild and all over the place.  It’s too long and looks like it hasn’t been washed all day.  Did you even take a shower before you came to pick me up?”  Snapped Claire

            “Uhhh….” was all that Scott could say in return.

            The rest of dinner was spent with awkward stares and strange long moments of silence.  Both of them were happy when the night was over and they could each go home.

            Claire’s mom was disappointed that the handsome young man was not good enough for her daughter, but she still had two more chances to find a man for her daughter.

            The next night, a letter came to the door of Claire’s house that said: “I would love to take you out, please meet me on the front steps of Luke’s Cathedral at 7 pm. 

            When the time came Claire left the house anxious about having two dates in two nights.  This one had to be better than that last one she thought as she walked toward the church.

            He was already waiting for her when she approached him.

            “Are you Paul?” she questioned.

            He opened his mouth and he confessed, “Why yes I am, nice to meet you.” And with that, he took her hand gracefully and gave it a polite kiss on the top.

            It didn’t take long for Claire to see his physical flaw too.  She looked at him peculiarly as she marched straight up to him and looked right at his mouth

            “Open up,” she demanded.

            “Uhhh…” was all he could manage to get out of his mouth. 

            “Why does that one tooth stick so much lower than the rest of them?  And how come you’re missing one right there?”  As she pointed to a tooth that had somehow fallen out and was replaced with an empty black hole.

            Once again “Uhhh??” was all that Paul could manage to say.

            “This isn’t going to work, please take me home” Claire demanded.

            And with that Paul took Claire home and they never saw each other again.

            By this time Ann was getting a little discouraged.  “These young men are supposed to be the best looking, most intelligent, and sweetest to my daughter, but she doesn’t even keep them around long enough to see the important sides of these men.  How come she doesn’t like any of them?  This last one has to be the one for Claire.” She thought as the third young man approached the house later the next evening.

            Zach showed up with a small delicate package in his hand and a wide smile on his face.  As Claire accepted the package and began to tear in open she was amazed at what was inside.  She had never seen such a pretty necklace before.  It was silver with a small butterfly charm that added just the right amount of color to the long chain.’

            “It’s beautiful, thank you,” Claire added politely.

            Since it was such a beautiful afternoon Zach had chosen to take Claire on a picnic on a secluded stretch of beach that was located so near Claire’s house that they decided to walk. 

            When they reached the beach Zach took one corner of the sheet while Claire took the other.  They set out the beautiful dinner that Zach had prepared which included pork chops, corn on the cob, home made bread, and wine.                

            “This is amazing,” replied Claire shocked that she hadn’t found anything wrong with Zach.  “Maybe this is the one for me,” she thought to herself.

            As they finished their beautiful dinner and began to gather up the leftovers Zach bent down and began to take off his shoes.  Not sure of what he was doing, Claire followed.  Zach placed his shoes on the sheet and began to run toward the water before Claire could respond. 

            As Claire reached Zach, who looked like a pitiful dog that got stuck out in the rain, she looked down at the waves underneath her feet.

            “Oh my gosh!” yelled Claire at the sight of Zach’s toes.  As she pointed she questioned “Why are your toes so disproportional to the rest of your body? And there’s hair all over the top of your foot.  Your feet look like they should belong to a hairy mammoth.”                                 

            “Uhhh” was all that Zach could manage to get out of his mouth.

            Zach took Claire home that night knowing that he would never see her again.

            Concerned, Claire’s mom said, “I give up,” as Claire walked in the front door without Zach on her arm.

            “That’s fine with me,” Claire responded happily.

            “How can you say that Claire?” her mother questioned.  “You’re going to be single the rest of your life if you keep having an attitude like that.”

            “As I was sitting though dinner tonight, I was thinking about my life.  I don’t really want nor need a guy to make me happy.  I find wonderful guys all the time, but I always find something wrong with each one.  A guy has never made me happy before so why do I need one now?  I can make myself happy with my job, friends, and family.  There’s enough stuff in this world that I can and want to do that doesn’t involve having a man in my life” stated Claire as if she just answered all her life questions.

            And that’s just what she did.  She worked during the day, spent time with her friends during the afternoon, and spent the holidays with her family.  Every summer she spent lying out and enjoying the beautiful sunshine.  She took vacations all over the world and traveled where ever she wanted to go with whoever she wanted to go with.  She didn’t need a guy to fulfill her dreams right now.  She was happy being single and enjoying life.