Why Cinderella Don’t Need No Fella!

By: Jennifer Lynn

Every woman is a Cinderella, or at least has the potential to be. Deep, down inside, every little girl dreams of finding her “Prince Charming.” But in the real world, how often does this happen? Practically never. Little girls grow up to be women who end up settling for a nice guy that treats them right. When was the last time you showed up at a ball wearing glass slippers and ended up marrying a prince? My thoughts exactly.

But this is not to say it could never happen. If your only goal in life is to marry a prince, then it might come true. You may ask how I know this to be so. Well for starters, it happened to me. I met Prince Charming one night at a royal ball thrown in his honor. You know the story….

All I’d heard about for a month was the Royal Ball, and how one of my ugly stepsisters would be crowned a princess as soon as the prince saw her. He’d swoon and fall to his knees, marveling over her majestic beauty. Right…and I had three ears.

After the evil trio had left for the ball, I’d sneaked out of the house all gussied up in a fairy-made gown that my fairy godmother had whipped up for me. She’d said something about it being my “destiny” as I’d raced out the door and jumped into the carriage. We were off, and before I knew it, the prince and I had danced all night, right up until the very stroke of midnight. I had to go quickly because the spell only lasted until 12 o’clock. I could feel my gown turning back into their normal tatters by the time I reached the castle steps, and I could just see my stepsisters laughing scornfully if they were to witness my transformation in front of everyone. In my haste, I tripped over the red carpet at the foot of the stairs, and one of my glass slippers fell off. Sound familiar?

I never did get the slipper back until Prince Charming rescued me from my servitude (and my wretched stepmother and stepsisters.) It must have been love at first sight, because we married immediately. And it must have ONLY been love at first sight, because heaven knows that it only lasted for about that long. My Prince Charming turned out to be a toad. He soon developed a nice little gut from drinking so much ale, and had a tendency to order me around. “Change my stockings, bring me a chicken leg, rub my back, etc.” Yuck. When we’d go out in public, he’d try his best to suck in his stomach, and would parade me around on his arm as if I were a trophy with no brains or wits about me. How quickly I tired of this…

One bright lazy day, a flash of what my future looked like hit me like a bolt of lightning right between the eyes. I didn’t want my life to be miserable, and I certainly didn’t trade one sentence of servitude in for another. At once, I knew my “happily ever after” with him was over, so I packed my bags, turned in my glass slippers, and set out on my own to discover the world and my place in it.

I hadn’t gotten too far from the kingdom, I’d say about half a day’s journey with my burlap bag hitting the side of my knee every step of the way, when I stopped at a creek to have a swig of water. My leg was about to fall off, so I sat down on a tuffet beside the brook. I was leaning over, looking at my reflection in the water (just shuddering thinking about how dirty I already was) when it happened…. I fell in. (I bet you were thinking something profound was about to happen, and you’d be right.)

I was sputtering about in the creek, trying to catch my breath because the iciness of the water had taken it away, when I heard someone laughing. I looked around, my eyes positioned in nasty little slits, intent on giving the evil eye to anyone who’d laugh at my embarrassing episode.

“I’m right here,” a little gruff voice croaked.

I looked across to the other side of the brook and there sat a greenish-brown toad on a rock that was half emerged in the water. Oh, but wait! I know you must be thinking that ol’ Prince Charming must have followed me after all. But, it wasn’t my prince, even though I did say he turned out to be a toad. No, this one looked more like an amphibian than did Prince Charming.

“What are you laughing at?” I asked annoyed, “And how can you talk? You’re a toad!”

The frog looked at me with a glint in his eye. “Forgive me for laughing at you, Princess, but it was funny. You have to admit.”

I didn’t want to admit, but I knew that if I had seen someone else fall in, I’d be the first to fall down laughing.

“How can you talk?” I asked again. “Are you possessed?”

“Not possessed,” the toad croaked, “Only bewitched.” With that, he hopped onto a closer rock and blinked at me innocently with his foggy eyes.

“Bewitched by your beauty...Give a quick kiss and I will transform your wet clothes into a dry, clean gown more beauteous than any you’ve ever seen.”

Now, I just know I’d heard that line before. This felt like déjà vu.

“Kiss a toad! Gross!” I exclaimed. “I’d rather kiss a dirty bedpan than kiss you.”

He looked rather pained after I said this, and I felt sort of bad.

“That hurts, that really hurts,” he croaked softly. “I’m not so bad.”

Then I felt really awful. So awful, I almost wanted to cry. I knew I had to do something.

“What has happened that made you a talking toad?” I asked gently.

He began to explain. “A long time ago, a spiteful fairy turned me into a toad because of my unending lust for women. I loved them all. Young, old, heavy, skinny, medium, red hair, blonde hair, black hair, short, tall…It didn’t matter. Being a prince, I could get away with anything. Well, she grew disgusted with me after I tried to love her, too, and the maiden four doors down…at the same time…so she put a curse on me. ‘No one will look twice at you now, you stray-eyed cheater! See if anyone will kiss an old toad, much less love one!’ With a wave of her wand, she turned me into what I am now…an ugly toad with not much to live for! Only a kiss will break the spell...at least that’s what I think.”

He looked at me hopefully, like maybe I would take pity and kiss him just to be nice. I shook my head. “Sorry. I don’t kiss toads.” He looked downtrodden.

“You can come with me to my home village though. That’s where I’m heading now. You could keep my company along the way, and when we get there, perhaps you could find a nice soul who might kiss you and break the spell.” He perked up a bit.

I held out my hand for him to hop into. With a push of his little legs, he jumped up and I put him on my shoulder. We were on our way, deeper and deeper into the murky woods.

A day later and deaf in one ear from the little toad’s incessant chatter, we came to my home village. Never was I so glad to see my little cottage appear like a firefly in the dark night.

You see, years ago my family used to be rich with a huge estate in both the country and the city. Father was a profitable merchant, and he made his money honestly. He supplied my mother and me with everything we ever wanted. Then, my mother died and my father was very lonely without her, so he remarried a couple of years later.

My new stepmother and two stepsisters treated me horribly when my father was away, forcing me to do all the housework and yard work. When Father lost all of his money and we were forced to move to this small cottage in the country, my stepmother and her wretched daughters fled back to the city. They couldn’t stand to live like peasants, especially after I married Prince Charming and they no longer had a slave to darn their stockings and fix their breakfast. As for myself, I have never been happier than here in the country.

My feet couldn’t help themselves from hurrying as I neared my home, and when I saw my father piddling around in the yard, his hair mussed from being outside without a hat on, I broke into a full run, nearly bouncing the toad prince off my shoulder.

“FATHER!” I squealed, jumping into his arms. His worn face brightened with joy  at my sudden and unexpected appearance. He embraced me warmly, and looked into my eyes for a long while.

“What are you doing home, my beautiful daughter? Are you not married to the Prince any longer?”

“Oh father, he treated me like a toy on his good days, and other days he treated me just as badly as my wretched stepsisters.” My father gave a humph at this.

 “So, I decided not to take it anymore. I packed my bags and decided I’d be happier here with you, even if I’m not a princess anymore.” His grin broadened.

“Well I’m so happy you are here. I missed you more than you know. It’s been lonely without anyone here to keep me company,” he said bitter sweetly. “But I’m afraid you won’t get to see me for long. I am leaving tomorrow at dawn. A merchant ship has just come into port and there are some items I ordered on board.”

I guess I looked saddened because he kissed me on the forehead with a laugh.

“Don’t worry, my beauty, I’ll be back soon, hopefully within a week….”

Those were the last words I heard from him. A week had gone by and he hadn’t returned. I was beyond worried and had made up my mind that instead of sitting here worried to death and helpless, I’d set out to find him. I put on my cape because the days were getting colder and shorter, and packed three days worth of provisions in my burlap  knapsack. Leaving the toad a little note on the pillow where he slept by my head at night, I sneaked out just as the first scant rays of lemon sunlight were touching the cottage door.

I knew the trail Father had used the week before. It was a main road, though some parts of it got rough in certain places. So many thoughts ran through my head…Had he been robbed and left for dead? Did the merchant ship come in late? Was he sick and dying? Was he attacked by wolves?  I didn’t know. All I knew was that I had to find him.  

   The horse and I had been traveling on that same path for two full days when I heard a growling in the woods, then two pairs of beady eyes focused in on me. I knew it had to be wolves, and I was about the meet the same fate my father probably met.

My horse took off like lightning, and soon we were off the beaten path and thundering through the woods, leaves fluttering behind me. The next thing I knew, we slammed to a stop at the foot of a huge iron gate. It wasn’t locked so I pushed on the latch and the gate swung open just enough for me and my horse to pass through, the wolves snapping at my heels.

We followed the ancient cobblestone way up to the entrance of a decaying, gray stoned castle that looked as if it had seen better days. I got off the horse, took a deep breath, and pushed open the creaking door.

It didn’t take long for me to find my father, nor what was keeping him prisoner in that decrepit castle. A beast, bigger than five horses put together, roared that my father had been caught trespassing and would die for it. I couldn’t let that happen, I loved my father so.

“Take me instead,” I demanded forcefully. It was the only offer I could make.

“No, Daughter!” my father cried, tears springing to his eyes.

“Why would I want you?” the Beast sneered, although he looked rather taken aback by my selfless offer.

“Because I can give you companionship. And I can help you clean up around this dump, although I won’t be your slave.” I’d had enough of that, thank you very much.

He seemed to think it over, weigh his options, then with an almost imperceptible nod of his head, agreed. My father was sent home with a fresh horse and food for the journey, and I was left alone with the Beast.

Over that long, cold winter, many things changed. The Beast was one of them. He became more gentle and mannered, and a unique and wonderful friendship grew from our mutual respect of each other, although it took a while to earn it. Each day, I learned something endearing or surprising about him, and my affection for him grew. By winter’s end it grew into a heartfelt love, though not a romantic kind of love. It was a love deeper and longer lastingtrue friendship, which is the best kind of love there is.

The Beast came to love me in the same way. He saw how much it hurt me to be without my father, so as much as it pained him to let me go, he set me free. This, and this alone, was enough to break the spell that had bound him for nearly a century. At the exact moment that his heart turned its back on selfishness and let me go, his body and castle were freed from their ugly, monstrous shells. The beast prince was made whole again, returned to his original form, and was liberated from the greed that held him prisoner so long.

While the Prince offered me his kingdom and heart, I had to turn it down and move on. His love for me was true, but I could no sooner be his princess than go back to the prison from which I had freed myself.

On the way back home, I began to think. In one way or another, I’d always worked and depended on my labor alone for my livelihood. Now that I would be back at the cottage, I wanted to find a meaningful job to go to every day. My life had a purpose and it was time for me to get the ball rolling.

Now, I can make the best slaw in the kingdom, and everyone knows it. So, I thought I could go into business making slaw on the side, while I focused on what I really wanted to do: write.

One day about three weeks later, my slaw business was making more money than I could imagine. Even the Toad Prince and I had become great friends, although he was still on the lookout for some lucky girl to break his curse. All of a sudden, I saw a royal carriage pull up. It was not from our kingdom, but another not too far away. I kept making my slaw, which is hard work if you really want to know.

Next thing I know, two guards had grabbed me from behind and were forcing me into the carriage. I began screaming bloody murder, but my father was in a neighboring village on business, so no one was near to hear my cries for help.

“Why are you taking me?!” I yelled angrily. But no one answered me, or even talked to me in the half day it took to get to our destination.

I didn’t get any answers until I was thrust at the feet of the King of Nahmia. He looked at me quite excitedly.

“Is it true that you can spin straw into gold?” He teetered precariously on the edge of his throne.

“What? Spin straw into gold? I don’t understand…!” Panic began to rise within me.

“I have heard tales of a beautiful maiden, the merchant’s daughter, who can spin straw into gold. Her father has spread the story far and wide, bragging of his daughter’s supernatural ability. I have searched all over for you”

“NO!” I interrupted. Suddenly, I knew what had happened. Just as if a brick had hit me in the forehead, I realized that my father had been bragging that I could blend slaw in the cold, NOT spin straw into gold. It had been pretty chilly lately, and I’d been working even on days when it snowed because the demand for my slaw was overwhelming.

“I…no” But the King didn’t let me finish.

“YOU WILL SPIN MY STRAW INTO GOLD BY MORNING OR I’LL BEHEAD YOU AT SUNUP!” he yelled.

With that, I was dragged to a chamber in the uppermost tower of the castle. It was filled with wagon load after wagon load of straw. I could never spin all this into gold by morning, even if I could spin straw into gold. What could I do?

Late into the night, I sat on the stool and thought about how to get out of this mess. Suddenly it came to me. I had been a Princess, if only for a few days, and I did learn a few things.

I had heard a tale of a little man by the name of Rumpelstiltskin, who had unique abilities. I wondered if his talents reached so far as to spin straw into gold. I decided to take a chance. What did I have to lose?

I knew that he had magical powers and could hear his name from miles away. I began to call…. “Rumpelstiltskin, Rumpelstiltskin, Rumpelstiltskin”

It was the third time I used his name that he appeared, with a little poof of smoke and a grin on his lips.

            “Yes, m’lady? What is it you wish from me?” I told him of my predicament, and he agreed to help me but not without getting something out of the bargain….

            By the next morning, the room full of straw was a room full of gold. This continued for two more days, the king becoming more and more greedy. At the end of the third day, the King brought me out to his court clothed in the finest dress money could buy (again) and told me how pleased he was with me. So pleased in fact, that he told me I could have anything I wished.

            Thinking I was going to say, “My only wish is to marry you, my lord…,” I figured out how to escape my predicament.

            “My only wish,” I said, “Is to be freed and set on my way with a wagonload of the straw I spun into gold.”

            The king looked aghast. “Why…Why…I” he sputtered.

            “You didn’t really think I’d stay here and marry you after you threatened to chop my head off, did you?” I gave a loud laugh.  Stupid nitwit.

            “Fine. Take it and go,” he muttered coldly, knowing he couldn’t go back on his promise. After all, he had three roomfuls of the stuff.

            With a sarcastic curtsy, I turned and left with a grin on my face. I felt pretty smart at that moment. I had a wagon full of gold and a ticket to freedom. You might be wondering right about now what I promised Rumpelstiltskin in return for spinning all that straw into gold. I promised him the King’s first child, not mine. I’m not stupid; I’d never planned on marrying the King. But not to worry, Rumpelstiltskin will never harm the child. In fact, he’ll raise it as his own child because he loves nothing more than little human children. That baby will be spoiled, believe me.

            So with my gold, I started home, weary and desperate to see my father who was safe in our cottage (probably having his ear talked off by the toad), but with one happy thought running through my mind. Now, I had enough gold to build my own castle in the country and live the happy life I wanted to live. I didn’t have to settle for someone else’s idea of happiness. Finally, I realized the lesson I knew all along: you don’t need a pair of glass slippers to be a princess. I’d done without kissing the Frog Prince, marrying the Beast, and selling my child for a roomful of gold. All this and I still came out happy. Now, all I had to do was write about it….